When did the thought of possibly craving to have you in my arms, hand in hand, heart to heart – become a craving to love you?
In case I haven’t told you…
I felt an indescribable shift—a halt in my soul-searching journey. I knew I would meet you the day I walked into your life.
a known moment.
The moment I walked into that birthday party, it was like my heart paused, my breath caught, and my soul just knew.
It was as if every step I took toward that door, every beat in my chest, was a gut-wrenching reminder that you were there, waiting for me.
An electric pull, an undeniable force drawing me in, like destiny itself stood still, anticipating our first glance.
I took every step;
nursed the wounds inflicted by others,
healed the ones I selfishly caused,
muted the whispers of my ego,
faced my traumas, and let them die
surrendered to Him and only Thee
– creating space for what’s designed for me.
A newly renovated, broken home –
dusted off the untouched pots, to plant new seeds and water together,
vacuumed up the left behind dead skin cells, that no longer reside there,
the unclaimed trash, collected in white plastic bags,
fresh layer of paint for the walls, to collect new memories,
shopping bags filled with vibrant art, to complement the crisp sheets adoring my bed.
What was once a shade of sad blues draping over the sun-bleached curtains, are now, yellow ray reminders of eternal sunshine.
Planted –rooted together
Creating a graceful green growth,
Nourishing the hues of her lips back to life,
Grounding the steady foundations of her soul,
Releasing oxytocin in a gentle harmony,
Building a space where a fragile heart can rest, safe and whole.
Falling…
dark red shivers down your spine, gently tickling your lungs… in lust
a muted pink fog alarms your nervous system, crossing boundaries… in curiosity
blue—not sky blue, but blue—hesitant, pulling away from those brown lips… in demand
a black horse in a white box, ever-present yet never unnoticed… in acceptance
clear, a glass filled to the brim, overflowing with water, crystal clear… in, dare I say.
…in love.
Grounded by love, a phrase that’s now part of me.
My beautiful Elliot,
As our time together has unfolded this year, I’ve had the pleasure of understanding and learning about who you are. I’m lucky to have found you, and although I was guarded at first, you made me feel safe being unapologetically me. That alone was enough for you. I’m grateful to have found my guardian angel, who looks after and protects me in all capacities. My honey nut oats, I’m forever proud of your integrity and perseverance; that takes hard work and looking deep within. Mi papi lindo, you have changed my perspective on my future, igniting my colors, cheering me on our shared talents, always watering and nourishing me. Because of you, I feel seen in ways that I have never been seen before.
I want to make you happier, be your number-one fan, and provide you with unbiased honesty, be your best friend, help ignite your talents, be the one you call when you get excited about a new spot you found to photograph or when you need a listening ear, motivate your creativity, and be the partner you undoubtedly deserve.
Cartwheels in my stomach when I feel the warmth of your fingers lingering on my caramel skin. Toes curl in the released tension of pleasure you so effortlessly provide. My mouth slightly open, letting out the sweet music of harmony born from all of our thunder.
There’s a moment etched in time when my heart surrendered to you. It was after a minor misunderstanding that led to our first conversation about helping one another better understand our perspectives. For the first time—yours too, I think—a thick layer of peace embraced the discomfort. At that moment, I knew this was bigger than what we both could’ve imagined. A fresh breath of air filled our lungs in the shared atmosphere of the surrounding mountains, witnessing a connection solidifying the very foundation of our love.
Confessions of a Broken Heart have merely become another object in the mirror.
All yours,
Ella
The way you look into my eyes feels as if you’re seeing a place you’ve always known—somewhere you’ve longed to return to and have finally found.
In case I haven’t told you, I love you too, Elliot.
xoxo
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